By BOJANA GALIC After some humiliating and hilarious scenes, Kate Hudson and Matthew McConaughey end up happily ever after in “How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days.” However, the film’s central question remains unanswered. How do you show a man that you’re just not that into him?
Breaking up is a nerve-wracking, anxiety-filled process, especially if you have been dating for several months. While the chemistry has dissipated, you don’t want to crush him by simply disappearing. The right thing to do is formally separate.
Respect and consideration are critical, believes life and “breakup coach” Chelsea Trescott. “Too often we underestimate the power of sincerity when we’re breaking up with someone.” With advice from Trescott, among other experts, you can cut him loose with some sympathy.
Openness and Honesty
Severing a relationship of several months requires an open and honest exchange. Yet, breakups have a self-serving nature. To avoid tarnishing their image, people often provide vague and unclear reasons behind the separation. “Your best approach is to be sincere, clear and patient with the person you are breaking up with,” says Trescott. Avoid any blaming. Instead, “Make it about you and your limitations,” rather than pointing the finger at him, suggests the advice columnist at dearmrsweb.com.
While there’s no perfect time to break up, planning softens the blow. Particularly with longer relationships, take time to consider his personal life. Does he have an important meeting tomorrow? Is his birthday within the next few days? In other words, be attentive. However, “Unless your significant other is going through a rough time, get out.,” Rebecca Harrison blogger for Obvi We’re the Ladies says. “It’s essential to be respectful of the other person’s life but you come first, always.”
Location, Location, Location
Some prefer breakups in privacy, while others seek the openness of a public setting. A private location is optimal, especially if for long-term relationships, notes Buzzfeed. Must link to the article to give proper credit. Choosing a quiet, private location shows your partner that respect and care for their feelings. In contrast, Mrs. Web, of dearmrsweb.com, believes that many men prefer a public location. “Men tend to dislike drama, so a way to break up is in public with plans to go in opposite directions.”
Just Do It
If your open and honest explanation isn’t getting through to the other person, be firm in your decision to end the relationship. Although you may be trying to spare the other person from grief, avoid dancing around the subject. Actually use the word “breakup,” recommends Buzzfeed.
Leave little room for misunderstanding and don’t allow yourself to be manipulated. You decided you wanted to separate, so stay true to your decision.
Be considerate after the dust has settled. There’s no reason to announce the emotional experience on social media. If you don’t feel comfortable with private information being displayed online, politely explain your preference.
While the “let’s stay friends” scenario comes with it’s own complications, a respectful approach is best. Be direct with what you want, but understand that he may not reciprocate your desire for friendship.