Although he hasn’t actually seen them, he’s friends with them on Facebook.

In previous generations, people went off to college and started a new phase of their life. They kept in touch with a few of their closest friends through letters, telephone and on visits home. They broke up with their boyfriends and girlfriends, cut ties and rarely heard from them again.

Today the Internet and social media are changing how people move forward from relationships. Through websites like Facebook, the constant connections make it easier for people to keep in touch with–and keep tabs on–friends and ex-lovers. A study at Michigan State University found that 96% of the students surveyed used Facebook to connect with high school friends. The study showed that people seek to keep ties with friends often in an attempt to get rid of feelings of ‘friendsickness,’ “the distress caused by the loss of old friends.”

But this interaction can make it harder for young people to move forward and let go of people from their past.“Every relationship is one in which you potentially can’t get away from,” said Stuart Fischoff, Senior Editor of the Journal of Media Psychology. “There are so many different forms of communication like email and Skype. Each one exposes you to more and more.”

Evan maintains relationships through Facebook with his friends from high school and his two ex-girlfriends. He checks what his friends have been doing through photos, and he talks to them through Facebook chat and video chat.“I find myself constantly logging on, whether I’m at home or in class,” he said. “I talk to the same people, and this has allowed me to become closer with them.”

The growing number of interactions on Facebook can make people unsure of how to present themselves online warns Patricia Wallace, author of “The Psychology of the Internet.”

“The individual is in a quandary about how to present their persona,” Wallace said. “They might feel free to make a dumb joke that high school friends might admire, but people they met more recently may find that very juvenile.”

This “audience confusion issue,” as Wallace calls it, can make it difficult for people to escape their old stereotypes, and it distracts them from focusing on their current relationships. When it comes to old friends, editor Fischoff believes the entanglement of high school could be more powerful than that of the new environment.

“It’s really a track record. What happens in high school doesn’t stay in high school if you keep putting it out there,” he said. “It might have a retarding effect on your ability to get to know people.”

While Evan enjoys how Facebook makes it so easy to stay in touch with friends, he believes that people spend too much time on Facebook  “We hold on to memories more, and we become more nostalgic as we look through old photos,” he said.

Though Facebook makes it harder for friends to detach from the pleasant memories they have together, it often has a more drastic effect when it comes to letting go of exes. A survey by yourtango.com found that 48 percent of people admitted to looking at their exes’ Facebook too often.

 Alana*, a 19-year-old fashion student at Pratt Institute, found that she couldn’t begin moving on from her ex-boyfriend until they were no longer Facebook friends. For a year and a half she checked up on his profile multiple times a day, at first watching as her old boyfriend changed his profile picture with her and then as he gradually untagged their photos together. “Facebook doesn’t generally help the healing time when you shouldn’t be talking to someone,” said Alana. “You are still so closely linked to their life and what they are doing.”

Ilana Gershon, a professor at Indiana University and author of “Breaking Up 2.0: Disconnecting Over New Media,” studied college-aged students and the habits they formed post-break-up while using new media sites.“In breakups, you often want to know what the other person is thinking or how they are doing,” Gershon said. “You have the sense that you can find out by checking their Facebook profile. However, you actually don’t always manage to get that information that satisfies through these technologies. It doesn’t seem to provide the closure you were hoping to get.”

Frustrated with the jealousy and stalking that Facebook instigates, blogger Jay Dolan started his website, theantisocialmedia.com, a satirical blog about today’s social media. He writes about issues from unfriending an obsessive ex to breaking away completely from social media sites. His posts come from experiences he personally has and the things he commonly sees on social networks.

“The constant access is a problem,” said Dolan. “It’s something we have to deal with, and lot of people don’t know how.”

Dolan’s posts reflect the turning point of these new technologies and means of communication, but he recognizes that their impact is full of possibilities as well. For Alana, Facebook made it hard for her to get over her ex-boyfriend. But it also allows her to keep in touch with friends from preschool to her old dance classes.“I think it’s beneficial that Facebook helps you keep a wide network of people,” she said. “But I also believe that you wouldn’t stay in contact with 75% of the people you usually do if it wasn’t for Facebook.”

*People’s names have been changed due to request for privacy

Illustration from The Express Tribune

Type ‘petition’ into Facebook’s search bar and what comes up is a slew of results: pages, groups, apps, all having to do with social activism. There are Facebook petitions to raise awareness of animal cruelty and petitions for women’s rights—petitions that fight to keep ABC soap operas on the air and petitions against Facebook petitions.

The creation of websites like Change.org, that specialize in organizing petitions on the web, are a sign of the popularity of petition-making that reaches outside of the realm of Facebook. With over 5 million members, Change.org is the biggest and most influential petition-promoting site on the web. Boasting a team of over 98 organizers, campaign directors, software engineers and strategists, Change.org calls itself an ‘organizing platform’ for citizen activists.

Sarah Parsons, Change.org’s Sustainable Food Editor, explains that technology has changed the face of social activism. “It makes sense, that since people communicate online now that activism should be online as well,” Parson says in a phone interview. While social movements before the age of new media depended on the physical congregation of people to protest a cause, technology has created a method of protesting that relies on mouse clicks and virtual signatures.

In a phone interview, Zachary Dominitz, Change.org’s Director of Partnerships, compares the web to the telephone and suggests that although the Internet has changed the way that people communicate, it is still a tool for communication—just a better tool. “There’s nothing to match the speed of the Internet,” Dominitz says. He explains that members of Generation Y are used to using the Internet to reach out to one another. Sites like Facebook and Twitter allow people all over the world to connect instantly. Dominitz says that the reason that online petitions have reached such popularity is due to sites like Facebook that allow individuals to engage in online communities. He says that online petition making gives people the ability to make a difference in the world. “You can put up an idea on Change.org and if its shared amongst a bunch of people, it can be something powerful.”

However, in an age where it has become easy to join causes online, activism means something different—one click and you support gay rights, one click and you support women’s rights. But what does this clicking mean? Has social media made activism a “slacker’s” activity in which people who want to make a difference can do so without having to even leave their computers?

The term “slacktivism” has been used as early as 2001 in online conversations about new media in relation to activism. Although it is not certain where the term originated, it has been used as a critique of online petitioning, referring to a certain kind of person who signs online petitions without being actively involved. “So called ‘slacktivists’ take easy, social actions in support of a cause,” says Katya Anderson of Network for Good (a petitioning website) in an article for Mashable.com. “Signing a petition, liking a Facebook page or putting a pink ribbon on their avatar.”

However, a Georgetown University study made in 2010 found that people who get involved in online petitioning are more likely to donate money or volunteer in actual events than people who do not use social media for activism. Anthony De Rosa, Social Media Editor for Reuters, says that “slacktivism,” is an overrated term. “Social media has helped people take the next step from slacktivism to actual activism,” says De Rosa in an email. De Rosa explains that movements like the Arab Spring—that lead to revolutions in the Middle East this past year—and the current Occupy Wall Street movements use social media to spread their messages, however, they come from real off-line problems that effect people in their daily lives.

On November 1, Change.org announced their victory over Bank of America’s $5 debit card fee after over 300,000 people signed a petition asking the bank to eliminate the fee for all customers. The petition was created by an independent member of Change.org who also broadcasted her plea onto Facebook and Twitter. Dominitz says that Change.org depends on social networking sites so that people can use their connections to spread word of their cause with immediacy. He believes that online petitioning is a tool that goes hand in hand with why people reach out to one another online on sites like Facebook. “It’s looking for something that is larger than ourselves—making or signing a petition gives you a sense of being part of your world.”

http://www.shinyshiny.tv/2011/02/the_facebook_break_up_notifier.html

Too much information killed college student Katie Ulrich’s relationship. The NYU junior began to suspect her romance was on rocky ground when she and the new flame were not exactly simpatico: She dressed up for dates while he sported sweats; they’d make plans for a day’s outing to Coney Island and he changed his mind just before boarding the train.
Ulrich was willing to let the faux pas slip until an indie concert they planned to attend together. “He called to say he was not feeling well enough to go,” Ulrich said. “I decided not to go either, even though I already bought my ticket.”
That night when Ulrich checked her Facebook newsfeed, she saw her “sick” date’s status: He was going to the concert with a number of tagged friends. After that, “I was done seeing him,” Ulrich said.
Many people have experienced Facebook postings have ending a blossoming relationship. Through the constant status updates, location check-ins, and photo postings, Facebook puts a relationship in hyper speed.
With Facebook, the need for introductory conversations is eliminated. One can find all the information they need simply by friending a person and viewing the profile. A profile is a goldmine listing the entire history of a person’s life through pictures, postings, and status updates. The information overload creates problems for dating — no longer do people learn about each other through interpersonal relations, all it takes is some snooping on their Facebook profile.
NYU graduate student Kristin Buettner experienced an early ending to one romantic relationship thanks to Facebook. “I met a guy, and we started Facebook chatting, G-Chatting and texting all the time,” Buettner said. “He knew everything from what I was doing at work to what I was eating for lunch, and it killed the mystery.”
Buettner realized that while Facebook may seem like a practical replacement to developing a relationship with someone, it is completely artificial. “A computer can do a lot of things,” Buettner said. “But, it can’t replicate romantic chemistry!”
Buettner’s experience with information overload is why Laurie Davis, founder of eFlirt Expert, warns “Friending a match before your first date encourages snooping,” Davis said.
Yet, avoiding Facebook is not an option, says Davis. “The reality of today’s society is that nearly all of our lives are digital,” Davis said.
Facebook’s effects on relationships prompted “Your Tango,” a love advice blog to post an article detailing “Six Things You Do on Facebook That Turn Him Off.” Red flags include ex-bashing, overdoing the “duck lips” pose in profile pictures, too many status updates, hitting the “like” button once too often, having over a thousand friends, and playing online games like Mafia Wars or Farmville.
Facebook can also offer accessibility to a person’s family, perhaps not always the best idea. NYU junior Alexa Modungo decided to get even with her ex-boyfriend when he disrespected her: she found his mother on Facebook.
Modungo dated her ex-boyfriend for five years; they were childhood friends. Growing up in the New York City private school scene, Modungo said they cultivated a deep, intimate relationship. Although, his behavior showed otherwise, “He told me he cheated on me at his grandfather’s 80th birthday party, while I was sitting between his mother and him,” she said.
Modungo’s relationship reached a point where she could no longer tolerate her ex-boyfriend’s behavior. “I took it upon myself,” she said, “to send his mother Facebook messages explaining what a chauvinist she raised.”
Modungo sent 42 messages to be exact, and she blames Facebook to what she now admits was  an over-the-top reaction. “Facebook provides an alternate reality,” she said. “It’s a lot easier to say something on Facebook than in person.”
Modungo’s messages to her ex-boyfriend’s mother fall under what The Wall Street Journal’s Elizabeth Bernstein calls the hover parent (or friend) issue with Facebook. “Before social networking, when you broke up with someone it was easier to disconnect. Although, you could still drive by your ex’s house or call his phone and hang up, to try and check up on him,” Bernstein said. “Now you can spy on that person via Facebook, constantly monitoring his (or her) behavior and analyzing it.”